He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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