On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
