Me too!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
