I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
