I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize