What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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