bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
