Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
