dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
