he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
