i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
