You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
