I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
