I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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