It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
