She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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