Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
