I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
