So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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