Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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