if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
