i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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