I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
