It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
