the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
whose parrot is this?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
