My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
