New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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