just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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