Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
