You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
