I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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