i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
