it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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