Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
