Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
