I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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