You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
