I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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