You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
