Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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