I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
