i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
