i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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