I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
