It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
