just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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