What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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