Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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