"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
