Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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