i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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