I got chris browned last night
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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