the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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