apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
