ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
