you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
