I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
