yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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