I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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