Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
