Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
