Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
