i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
