oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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