Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I party with great urgency now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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