Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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