Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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