So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
