It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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