you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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