does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
